My Mother, she's about as classy as a Kardashian. She's got the mouth of a drunk sailor, the tact of a barbarian and the evilness of a shedevil. In related news, we are extremely similar.
So I was back home due to my recent and completely bullshit status of unemployment, where I voluntarily spent a week in my childhood room, which by the way is like walking into 2004, such a time warp. A week dealing with my mom's criticism, nagging and mockery. You've read it all before, "Sam, I thought you've been working out... whatever it is, it's not working. Sam, go be a stripper, strap a pole. Sam, move home." Ahhh yes, whenever things get a little rough for me my parents are quick to jump to "the obvious" which to them means, just picking up and moving home. Which, I'm sure most parents would love, but mine do it in a way that not only makes you feel like a failure, but also breaks your spirit. Oh the joys of coming home.
So I grew up about 15 minutes from the border of Mexico, needless to say, Mexico has always been apart of my life. The good and the bad. It was always relatively safe, especially during the winter seasons which are a big tourist time in the Rio Grande Valley. However, the past few years have been pretty scary, drug wars and all. It seems to be mostly over, so my family swears. They started going back during the day for their little shopping trips about a year ago. Personally, it still scares the living shit out of me, everyone I know has a story about someone they know who has been affected by the crazy stuff going on down there - so knowing how terrible my luck is, I thought it best to stay as far away from the border as possible. Well, my Mother, had other plans. One of my last days home, my mom was dead set on us taking a little day trip to stock up on medicine and other cheap necessities. To which I responded, "Mom, but... is it safe? I still hear stories, horrible stories!" Followed by, "Sam, don't be such a pussy. Jesus, when did you become such a moist little pussy?" Knowing full well, that the word "moist" makes my insides flip and causes a nauseating reaction to which I will surely express with a gagging sound. "MOM! what the fuck?!" I scream, because, if I failed to mention, we are with my two Aunts and my cousin. "Well shit girl, don't be such a puss."
Just like that, I was going to Mexico. There is only so many times you can stand to hear your mother call you a pussy before you just have suck it up and risk your life. I wish I could say that this was as shocking to me as it might be to you reading it... but alas, I cannot. My mother is like no other and that's my cross to bare, I suppose. Though, I will say, she is awesome and our relationship is pretty spectacular.
p.s.
We were just fine, nothing out of the ordinary happened, we ate, we drank (a lot of XX and margaritas) and did some shopping, all was well and we came back with all of our body parts. Success!
