Mom's Dating Advice

In a moment of  confusion and an utter loss for words, decisions, thinking straight etc. I emailed my mom this:


Subject: you are in control of all my decisions re: boys

 

MOM,

 

since I am incapable of making good choices regarding my love life (or lack their of) you are now in complete control. (complete is used lightly.) 

 

2 things: 

 

One, that guy i was seeing went  away for a job and i didn't hear from him for 2 weeks, now he's calling again but won't be back till late August/September or maybe never I don't know. I liked him but now i'm not so sure.. I feel bad. Do I tell him I'm not into it anymore or give him a shot, or ignore him.

 

Two, If i'm attracted to someone or some people, and I feel like it may be mutual but nothing comes out of it because he/they won't make a freaking move, should I? 

 

I give up. haha

My Mom's reply:

Subject: RE: you are in control of all my decisions re: boys

One if you don’t feel anything at all for that guy then don’t lead him on, but wait until he gets back don’t do while he’s away or over a text or e-mail.

Two no don’t invite guys if they want to they'll ask, let him chase you give him a little taste of what may be to come some of that caramel sweetness LOL I know yuck…

Three I was up late last night and saw an ad for christiansingles.com hahaha.

Me to Mom:  Subject: RE: you are in control of all my decisions re: boys

I saw that stupid commercial for Christian singles too. ayyy. I doubt anyone who is on Christiansingles would want to date me. I am too crazy for a bible thumper and that isn't the wussy kinda of guy i'd want.

Yes, In case you missed it or disregarded it, my mom referred to my body/sex/no clue as "caramel sweetness" I wish I made this shit up. 

See, world -  I had no shot at being a normal, appropriate, lady-like young woman. NO SHOT IN HELL. My mother is definitely not your average June Clever, but hey she tells it like it is, solid advice, minus Christian Singles.